I get asked a lot of questions by BDSM beginners, and I get a lot of inquiries from prodomme session newbies, so I figured it would be a good idea to put all of My advice and feedback about this in a couple blog posts. Today I will start with "How to book a professional Dominatrix if you have no experience” so that all the novices can know exactly how to get the best experience possible!
a newbie submitting to My whims in a session
Before you even start researching which prodomme is good for you, you need to have an understanding of what your interests within BDSM are and what your intentions are with having a professional session. People hire a professional Dominatrix for a variety of reasons: They want to explore a fetish or fantasy with someone who is skilled and experienced, they want access to all the bells and whistles of a fully equipped dungeon space, they want to have a safe and nonjudgemental space to surrender in, they want the convenience of being able to walk away without any attachments after a session, or perhaps they want to learn and experience new things that they can apply to their personal life. It’s best to do some exploring on your own first to get an idea of what you’re into and what you don’t want to explore. Watching videos, reading books/articles, or looking at fetish art can be a great way to see what sparks your interests and what you could do without.
Once you have an idea of what you’re into regarding different BDSM activities and fetishes, and you have an understanding of why you want to have a professional domination session, you need to research which Domme will be a good fit for you. Start by browsing BDSM advertisements for your city (or city you are willing to travel to if you live in a more rural or suburban area with less options). Eros and DickieVirgin are two common sites to check out. Make sure to read ALL of the ad so you can actually get an understanding of what the Dominatrix is like, what she offers, and how sessions might go. Each prodomme is different, and our styles, skills, and preferences vary widely. Another way to research Dommes is social media, especially twitter. And of course, you can always google search for something like “professional dominatrix [your city] [your fetishes] “ and see who comes up.
After you’ve found some options that look good, you need to do more research before contacting any of the Dommes. READ OUR WEBSITES! I cannot stress this enough. I know it’s easy to get excited by some pictures and want to contact someone right away, but we put a lot of valuable information on our websites so that you can gauge if we would be a good match or not. We also include a lot of information that you can learn on your own instead of using our valuable time asking questions that we have already provided the information for. Some of the information we usually include on our websites is our preferred communication protocol for booking sessions. Personally I have a contact form on My website that I make all new clients fill out. Look at the website of the Domme you’re interested in and see if there is a contact form or instructions for how to email and what information to include. No body wants their time wasted, and you can help the booking process be as fast and easy as possible when you include all the necessary information to move forward. Some common information that you should be ready to share is: which city you want to book in (many prodommes travel so we may have ads up in multiple cities at once, clarify where you want to see us), your BDSM interests, your hard limits (things you don’t want to experience), generally what days and times you’re available to meet, your past experience with BDSM, and if you have any health concerns.
We get many messages a day, and your initial contact is your first impression to us, so make it count! Some red flags to avoid when contacting a prodomme: Be respectful when you contact a professional dominatrix- treat it as if you are booking a session with any other kind of professional. Don’t make demands and say things like “I want you to dominate me”. Present yourself, let your interests be known, and politely make requests or ask what’s possible. Another big mistake to make is saying that you have “no limits”. This is something only novices who have no real concept of what hard limits are would say. If you care about your well-being at all, then you understand having limits is healthy and normal. Saying you have “no limits” means the Domme can do whatever she wants, including cut your balls off, permanently brand you, or shit in your mouth, so be mindful when answering what your hard limits are. You also don’t want to put one-word responses when giving details will help speed along a booking. For example, instead of saying your interests are “humiliation”, you should go into what you find humiliating and what you want to explore, like “I like to be talked down to and called names like ‘bitch’ and ‘slut’, and am interested in exploring cleaning dirty feet with my tongue.” The more details we have, the easier it is to understand your mind, and the better a session will go.
After you’ve contacted a prodomme and are communicating about actually booking a session, this is the proper time to negotiate your boundaries, safe words, and generally make sure you are both excited for the kind of session you are interested in. This is also the time to ask for her rates, general location, and what her protocol is with new clients. DO NOT try to negotiate her rates! If she is out of your budget, politely tell her that and move on to a different Domme. We don’t get offended when someone says they can’t afford our services, but we do get offended when they try to negotiate our rates down. You’re not just paying for her time in the session, you’re paying for her years of experience and expertise, the effort in getting ready (Dominatrix gear is expensive!) and cleaning up after, and usually rental fees for the space you’ll play in. Many Dommes screen new clients, especially ones who cannot provide references from other prodommes they sessioned with. If you want to session with a Dominatrix, FOLLOW HER SCREENING PROTOCOL and do not try to avoid or negotiate around it. If her screening protocol doesn’t work for you, simply let her know and move on before you waste anymore of anyone’s time. Expect to pay a deposit to secure a session. Again, DO NOT try to get around this. There is always a way to send a deposit. Even if you don’t want to have an electronic trail of the transaction, you can always buy an amazon gift card or visa card with cash in a store and send the info to the Domme. There are NO excuses for not sending a deposit. Our work is by appointment only, so deposits are often a necessary step to make sure we don’t have time-wasters canceling at the last minute.
If you can follow all of the booking protocols of the Domme and schedule a session, be sure to arrive on time (not early and not late), make sure you don’t have any body odor (freshly showered if possible, fresh breath, and be mindful of not using a lot of cologne, we can be sensitive to strong smells), have her full tribute for the session in cash, and be sure to communicate if any of your interests or limits have changed that day. If you’ve done your research well, and are meeting with a professional Domme who is aligned with your interests, then you can relax into the session and explore! It’s ok to be nervous, that’s to be expected. The important thing is that you are open and clear in your communication before, during, and after the session.
Good luck out there newbies! I hope this information was helpful and you feel more confident in having your first session. If you’re interested in booking your first BDSM or fetish session with a NYC Dominatrix, you can fill out My contact form.