I was asked recently how my work affects my relationships with men. I’ve heard some opinions that sex workers must have unpleasant experiences with male clients, or that Dommes want to torture men because some part of them is a man-hater. Of course, there is a variety of reasons why someone would choose to be a dominatrix, but I can only speak for myself when I say doing the work I do has actually made me develop more empathy and appreciation for men. Honestly, I couldn’t do what I do if I didn’t truly love men.
The majority of my clients are male-identifying. What I see time and again is that men are deeply repressed in our culture. Broadly-accepted expressions of masculinity are very limited. In our society, masculinity is not just something you have, it’s something you have to prove over and over again. Being vulnerable, expressing emotions, qualities of softness, and alternative sexual desires are generally not allowed for men. My experiences as a Domme have caused me to cultivate more compassion and empathy for the male experience, which I use to create space for them to express a different side. When men spend time with me, it’s safe for them to be sensitive, submissive, feminine, exposed, emotional, slutty, receptive, etc. When human complexities are repressed, it causes a lot of distress and leads to emotional and mental issues. This is why toxic masculinity is such a prevalent force, and why I believe it’s more important than ever to do what I do and provide the space for male clients to express their own complexities and desires.
Immersing myself in the femdom world, I’ve also seen what men are capable of, and it is impressive. It is male-nature to feel most fulfilled when they have a purpose, and I truly believe that the highest purpose men can have is to be in service to women. At his crown potential, a man is a woman’s greatest protector, provider, ally, supporter, and servant. Countless times, I have witnessed the benefits men receive when they are serving women, and I have experienced deep appreciation and joy when being served by men. I also find great joy in playing with and training men. It is truly a beautiful thing to take a capable and eager male and mold him into the perfect servant/toy/lover/sub/cuck/etc. How could I not love men when they can be so useful?
Of course not all men are living into this higher purpose, and it’s simply impossible not to deal with toxic masculinity in our day-to-day. However, interacting as a Domme with men has in many ways restored my faith in men, especially as I explore my own expression as a femdom and attract clients who are aligned with my interests and values. I have met some of most amazing men! And their positive impact on me has helped cultivate my deep love for men.
Please note that while this post is focused on my male-identifying clients, subs, and slaves and why I love them, I also truly enjoy working with people of all genders and sexual identities. Being able to create space for many different people to explore and express themselves is a great honor for me.